My silent retreat and the dead pigeon

Why on earth would you want to sit in silence for four days?

I guess it goes back to living in an ashram in India.

I’ll explain, as one of the health leaders asked me after delivering our "Forty Minutes to Calm" session for SSE, “What’s an ashram?” I now know not to assume everyone knows.

I laughed and replied, “It’s somewhere you go when your head’s minced.”

Mine certainly was.

And the beauty, wisdom, nature and friendships I'd found there visiting back and forward for over 5 years before I decided to live there was true medicine for the soul.

I spent a year living at the Isha Yoga Centre in Coimbatore, India, directing shows, training staff but ultimately I was there for my spiritual, emotional, mental and physical health.

It's all one system in India.

I spent hours each day meditating and practising yoga in the shadow of the beautiful Velliangiri Mountains.

More than anything, it taught me that joy is an inside job.

So when life felt particularly full-on preparing myself and my team for the North Ayrshire Council Early Years Health and Well-Being I signed up for a four-day silent retreat for after it!

It was a Buddhist retreat. I’m not Buddhist, but I love Buddhist teachings.

Behind the retreat leader was a sign that said:

“When we want something to be other than it is, it hurts.”

That sentence stayed with me throughout the retreat.

And then there was the dead pigeon.

Every dinner time, I’d open my Window 360 and my eyes would immediately go to the dead pigeon lying in my neighbour’s garden.

Why had nobody picked it up?

Why had it been there so long?

Why did nobody care enough to take care of the poor wee thing?

Honestly, my eyes just kept going back to that dead pigeon, and after a while it made me laugh because that’s exactly what we’re like, isn’t it?

When there’s a car accident, when something terrible happens, when there’s drama, conflict or tragedy, we’re drawn straight to it.

We want to investigate it.

Fix it.

Analyse it.

Talk about it.

The macabre fascinates us.

Meanwhile, we’re all trying to attract more joy, more love, more connection and more wellbeing.

But our brains are wired to notice what’s wrong.

That’s not because we’re negative people.

It’s because we have a negativity bias.

It’s how the brain works.

Knowing that helps me forgive myself when my attention goes to the problem, the worry, the disappointment, the thing that’s not working.

The dead pigeon.

And maybe that was the lesson I most needed reminding of.

What I teach and have always taught.

We have to consciously look for the good.

We have to notice it.

Talk about it.

Celebrate it.

Because our wee pesky brains are already doing a brilliant job of scanning for what’s wrong.

They don’t need any help from us.

One of the things that brought me the most joy during the retreat was simply being able to walk again after having a sore wee paw for so long. (I fractured it last year.)

My heart was brimming looking at the sky.

My heart was full watching the birds.

The wee things are never the wee things.

It reminded me just how profound choosing to be in silence is. How restorative it is.

So much so I'm thinking of running a Joyworks silent retreat. So many of us know the power of silence, nature and meditation, and I’d make it fun too!

Let me know if you’d be up for it!

Wishing you more moments that make your heart brim this summer.

Much love,

Sharon